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Would You Be Offended if You Were Asked to be a “Side Chick”?

Would You Be Offended if You Were Asked to be a “Side Chick”?

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague recently about why people cheat on their partners.  It was interesting to me because I think it has become more of a common occurrence these days.  Casual sex is much easier to come by with the advancement of technology, including apps like Tinder… and dare I say it, even Snapchat.  What sparked my decision to write a post on this was an article I read about women being solicited by men solely for the purpose of being a “side chick”.  This got me thinking.  When it comes to casual sex, do we value monogamy over honesty and convenience?  What I mean by all of this is whether we appreciate that honesty and accept the fact that the person is in a relationship?  Or do we want that person to be monogamous even when it comes to a sexual relationship?

I would like to preface this by saying that I don’t have an opinion as far as cheating goes.  I certainly don’t condone the dishonesty, but I don’t think we should make judgments on situations that we aren’t in.  Or don’t understand because we haven’t been part of.  I don’t like to admit either of these things, but there is certainly power in being honest, so here goes.  I have been on both sides of that coin.  I’ve been in a situation where my partner was having a relationship (or maybe more than one) outside of our “committed” relationship.  … Read the rest

Decoding the Mysterious “Woman Speak”. What We Really Mean – In our own Words

Decoding the Mysterious “Woman Speak”. What We Really Mean – In our own Words

Let’s face it ladies, we have all been there.  You’re in a heated debate with your man.  Some might even call it an argument.  He’s not hearing you, and he thinks you’re not hearing him.  So you resort to a way to end the conversation.  Which will give you time to go to another room and stew.  I guess I can’t vouch for everyone, but I know that I’ve been in this situation before.  Many times.  And I suspect I will be there again.  But this leads me to a bigger question.  When we, as women, communicate, are we saying it like it is?  Or is there so much hidden meaning behind our words, that it’s no wonder our partners don’t understand?

I’m not taking the side of men in this situation, but communication is key.  And I mean extremely important in a relationship.  Women often over analyze and read more into a situation than is necessarily there.  So if a man says “ok”, he usually means “ok”.  If a woman says “ok”, it doesn’t always mean that.  And I personally hate getting lumped into a category that shouldn’t be applied to all women.  In my last relationship, I learned that I had to say exactly what I meant in order for my partner to understand.  I couldn’t let him get away with not hearing me, as it only made the situation worse.  On top of that, I was in a situation where I was constantly being lied to, so honest and clear communication have become the backbone of my relationship now.… Read the rest

Guys Hate a Desperate Woman. This is what Makes Us Appear That Way & how to stop it.

Guys Hate a Desperate Woman. This is what Makes Us Appear That Way & how to stop it.

What drives desperation?  From a relationship perspective, we feel that a relationship will solve all our problems and make us happy.  Right?  Well… that’s what your over bearing Tiger Mom and society would have you believe.  But all it does is drive us to the point of desperation.  From a woman’s perspective, think of it this way:  You’re in your 30s.  You think your uterus is drying up.  No one out there is going to want to fall in love with and have babies with someone as old as you are.  Definitely not with that attitude.

Now lets look at it from a different angle:  You’re in your 20s and loving life.  You’re in your prime.  Everything is great.  You know you want to find a partner and settle down, but being too eager comes across as desperate.  It’s a no-win for women.  We either demonstrate our willingness to find a partner early on, or we wait for what’s left when we’re in our 30s.  Thus, putting us in a situation to become stage 5 clingers.  Or at least to give off that perception.  But is it always our fault?  Or are men misleading just enough to let us think there is something more?

Men love attention.  And I mean love it.  If any man out there tells you otherwise, he is lying.  They want to be the ones to do the rejecting.  It seems that it’s easier for men to put their feelings aside and act coy.  … Read the rest

Looking for a Romantic Partner? Make Sure They Have These Characteristics.

Looking for a Romantic Partner? Make Sure They Have These Characteristics.

I read an article recently about the types of partners we are attracted to, and it got me thinking.  What attributes do we find attractive in a partner?  I think this has changed for me over the years.  What I wanted when I was 20 isn’t the same as what I want in a partner now.  I guess that’s called growing up, but it makes you wonder about people who meet their partner/spouse when they’re young.

According to Psychology Today, these are the five characteristics that you should look for in a partner:

  1. Kindness, loyalty and understanding.
  2. Similarity
  3. Conscientiousness.
  4. Emotional stability.
  5. Belief in relationships.

So what does this mean?  And how can you assess these things in a partner (or possible partner) without making it seem like you’re fishing?  As far as the first one goes, I feel like kindness and loyalty are two extremely important characteristics to look for… and further, something that I would consider to be a “given”.  While I may have a sharp tongue and sometimes a harsh demeanor, I am a ball of jelly on the inside.  Especially in a relationship.  There are no lengths that I won’t go to to protect my partner, or ensure their happiness.  Sometimes, at the sake of my own.  In general, we should be looking for kindness in all of our relationships.  Partners or otherwise.

Loyalty in my opinion, is also extremely important.  Do you want a partner who is going to bail at the first sign of a rough patch?  … Read the rest

Making the Commitment to Build more Meaningful Relationships in Your Life

Making the Commitment to Build more Meaningful Relationships in Your Life

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Relationships can be difficult.  I’m not just talking romantic relationships, but all relationships.  Friends, coworkers, family and neighbours – all can be challenging. How you choose to deal with the situations that arise will help you to build meaningful relationships.  Or maintain a balance, if that’s all you want or need.  We can’t choose our family, and sometimes we have no choice in who we work with or live next to.  So the only people we actually get to “choose” to have relationships with are friends and romantic partners.  And we don’t always choose wisely on those fronts.  Sometimes we choose based on an immediate need.  Maybe you just broke up with your boyfriend and you’re determined to get into another relationship.  Immediately.  So you pick the first guy that comes along and gives you a little bit of attention.  Maybe not a good idea.

But the same can be said about friends.  After my last break up, I was spending more time with my fun friends who liked to go out drinking, and were supportive of my newly single adventures.  I found myself distancing myself from my friends who were in relationships and not for any specific reason.  Other than they just seemed to not “fit” into my lifestyle any more.  Or maybe they distanced themselves from me.  It’s hard to know.  How do you maintain a relationship with someone with whom you have fundamental differences? And should you if it’s that difficult?  … Read the rest

Valentine’s Day is Just a Day. Here’s how to not let it Define Your Happiness if you’re single.

Valentine’s Day is Just a Day. Here’s how to not let it Define Your Happiness if you’re single.

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Valentines Day is just around the corner, and what does that mean?  For me, honestly, not a lot.  Maybe that sounds cynical, but I’m not a fan of the day.  Not because I’ve never experienced grand romantic gestures on February 14, but because I think that the intent of the day has become too commercial.  Note, these are my feelings around Christmas as well.  Not because I don’t enjoy spending time with friends and family, but because of the pressure to deliver.  On both sides.  Although, in my opinion, men seem to bear the burden.  Which doesn’t seem fair.  It seems that the expectation is for men to buy flowers or chocolates, or plan extravagant and romantic dates. While I don’t want to get into gender roles, I do want to point that out as one reason I’m not a fan of the date.

I think that we shouldn’t fixate on finding the best present, or deciding what restaurant will make our partner the happiest, but rather focus on the relationship itself.  At a time with so much hate and exclusion happening around us, we should be celebrating love.  Celebrating the kindness between two (or more) people in a relationship.  We should focus on what we can do to make ourselves better, in order to deepen the relationship.  I also think this is something we should be doing all the time.  And not hyper-focusing on an arbitrary day that centres around the commercial side of love and affection.… Read the rest

How to Have a Successful Long Distance Relationship

How to Have a Successful Long Distance Relationship

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Technology is great and I clearly love it. It can help your heart beat when it naturally does not do it on its own. It can also help you become an instant sensation on Instagram or Twitter. You can also watch technology evolve with society in near real time. For instance Snapchat was once used by tweens to sext. Which is the practice of sending naked pictures to one another. As deplorable as that is, the technology is now a billion dollar company used by heavy weight companies and celebrities alike. Tinder too also had a seedy beginning. It was the known as the hookup app. However I personally know people who have met on Tinder, got married and are still happy. I say all this to set up the stage freeing your mind from preconceptions. Long distance relationships were once looked at with fear. It can be hard to deal with not having someone to cuddle after a long day at work and there are no romantic dinners. While the fear of being in a committed long distance relationship will never go away it can however be manageable. Long distance relationships do not have to be overly complicated and impractical. My goal is to show you how to make long distance relationships work. 

Couples in a long-distance relationship call each other every 2.7 days. On average couples in a long-distance relationships will visit each other 1.5 times a month.

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