It seems I am a fixer. I fix websites. I fix gadgets. I jailbreak iDevices. Also it appears this tendency to repair has worked its way to my personal life. I always seem to date women that have something that needs to be repaired in their life.

While changing things to make them better is fine for inanimate products, it however does not work so well when it comes to relationships. Don’t get me wrong. Relationships do need regular maintenance  for prime functionality. Some times when you take things apart you can not put them back together. Somethings are irreparable. Here are the things you can not change in a relationship and expect it not to have a massive effect.

[I] Secrets are time bombs waiting to happen
We all have them. We all hide them.  The thing is secrets ALWAYS come out. How and when that happens is another thing all together. There is always something your partner has never told you. Most people find that thought intolerable. So what happens? You poke and poke and poke some more. What you find out could be silly or really shameful. Either way it’s something they wanted to forget. If it happened while with you. That is something you need to deal with. Most likely it was from way back in the day. Good job now you have a fight on your hands over something that happened in the past. No getting over this one.

[II] But wait there’s more
My family is going to be part of the deal. Her family going to be part of the package. It’s something you are going to have to deal with in a relationship. You should never be the one trying to fix issues between you and your partner’s family.  It’s their  job to keep the peace between you and them. Should you ever step over the family line  and try to, there will be problems. If your partner cares about you,they will keep you out of the family firing squad.

[III] My Friends, your friends & our friends
You have friends, she has friends. You like some of them. Truth be told some of them you will not like at all. You know some of them are going to hate you. Some will be out to get with you. Either way they are off-limits. Don’t try to change your partners friends. You will not win that fight. Also your two group of friends  may not get along with each other. Just try to keep the peace.

[IV] You say tomato, I say tomahto
Your partner is not going to share your likes and dislikes 100% of the time. Not even twins do that. So don’t try to change them. That is not to say you can not guide them to something more to your liking or compromising with them. Just don’t do it too much or resentment will build and over time end your relationship.

[V] Trust: Can only be broken once
Trust issues can be mended but not fixed.  Once mended they will never be as solid as it was before. Which is why some wonder if it should even be attempted. Without trust, there is no such thing as love. Since love is the point of a relationship;  I say no lies, no games, just honesty please.

By Rubens Saintel

Proud father, #Haitian, photographer, consultant, writer & entrepreneur. I love video games, movies, plays, technology (surprise), beta testing apps and all things sci-fi. | |