There are also things that you shouldn’t do in a long distance relationship. Like I said in my first post, being in a long distance relationship requires a lot of strength. It’s not always easy. But the reward is that someday you will get to be with your partner. Here are the things that you should not do. First, if you have not read part of this article This is How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work (Part 1)
Don’t Text When Drunk
This can get you into trouble. I would also add (in my situation) don’t text when you’re tired or late at night. I find these two things can get me into trouble as I will say things I don’t really mean. You might not be able to avoid drinking altogether but certainly put your phone down after you’ve had a few unless it’s to say “I love you” or “Good night”.
Just because your partner hasn’t responded to your text messages, and that’s not like him – don’t assume the worst. This is something that I have been known to do. At least in the early stages of our relationship. You can’t assume the wors.t It doesn’t mean he’s hooking up with someone else. He’s likely just busy or even driving.
Don’t Let Your Friends Shape Your Opinions
Our friends aren’t part of our relationship. Make sure that what they have to say doesn’t get stuck in our heads. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have valid opinions. In some cases, they will have lots of insight, but just because they’re insecure or can’t handle their man being out of their sight, doesn’t mean that’s how you should think.
Don’t Lead the Other Person On
If you’re not 100% committed to being in a long distance relationship, let the person know. LDR’s are a lot of work and if you don’t think you’re able to do it, let them know.
Do NOT Keep Secrets
This is pretty straightforward. Don’t keep secrets from your partner. If you’re having doubts about the relationship, or you feel like you’re being neglected. Tell your partner. If you’ve been flirting with a coworker and are feeling guilty about it – tell your partner. Keeping secrets isn’t going to help the relationship. I have always valued honesty over almost everything else in a relationship. I would rather know that my partner is having certain feelings about me or the relationship than to go on living a lie. Which can lead to worse things. Honesty isn’t easy. And it certainly doesn’t mean your relationship will work. But it can mean the difference between staying together and breaking up.
Don’t Be So Independent
Being independent in a LDR can be invaluable. But on the other hand, it can distance you from your partner. Thereby making them more of a friend than a partner or loved one. It’s a fine line, but you will find it, over time.
Don’t Mistake Booty Calls for Intimacy
In my previous post, I talked about physical contact being necessary, but I also mentioned that it shouldn’t be the only thing. You shouldn’t just be hooking up with your partner when you see them. Spend the afternoon doing something in their city (or yours). Go out for dinner with them. Find bonding activities. Being physical is important and can be fun, but you shouldn’t spend your entire weekend doing it. Or at least not every weekend you’re together.
Don’t Avoid the Tough Questions
Not wanting to talk about certain things is normal. It makes things real, or worse, your partner might have an answer that you either don’t like or don’t want to hear. But that’s not a reason to avoid those questions. As you get to know your partner more, these questions are important. It will reassure you that you’re on the same page.
Don’t Discuss Your Big Disagreements Over the Phone
Trying to resolve relationship issues over the phone or via text won’t end well. But it might not be possible to have your arguments in person. Try to keep them for when you’re together – especially if they’re big or fundamental. Put a pin in them until you’re able to see one another, and have that conversation then. If you can’t, try FaceTime so you’re at least looking at each other in the eyes.
Don’t Give the Silent Treatment
Early in my relationship with my partner, I would get upset about something and I would want to give him the silent treatment. Or as I liked to call it, a “time out”. But that’s childish and controlling. It builds self-doubt in the other person and overall isn’t a nice thing to do.
This goes without saying. Don’t cheat on your partner. Avoid temptation. It’s easy to meet people and have a flirtatious relationship with them, but that’s not fair to your partner. If you meet someone that you think you could have a relationship with, you need to make a decision. But if you’re serious about your LDR, then this won’t happen. Cheating might be a way to get back at them for something, but it’s not the answer. Like I said, avoid temptation.
Don’t Stalk Your Partners Social Media Activities
This is one of those “easier said than done” things. Don’t spend all day looking to see if your partner posted something on social media, or even what they posted. It’s possible that they will post pictures with members of the opposite sex. That doesn’t mean they’re hooking up with them. They might say things some days that leave you confused, but that doesn’t mean it’s about you. Keep that in mind before you blow up at them.
Don’t Isolate Yourself From Others
Just because you miss your partner isn’t a reason to stay at home and sulk. Have the life you want, which means going out and doing things. It means having fun with your friends and family. Your partner doesn’t want you to be a hermit and you shouldn’t want that for them either.
As I’ve said several times in these posts, being in an LDR isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to be prepared for some pretty big things. One of the biggest challenges I have is knowing when I’m going to get to see my partner again. Our schedules don’t line up. We have a “one-month” rule, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Which, at times can be devastating. You look forward to seeing your partner for weeks and weeks, only to find out that they won’t be able to see you. You will have to find what works best for you and your partner. I don’t envy anyone working through this process, but I know that it can be done. Keep the faith and use these tips to help you have a successful LDR.