people dating

If you’ve been in the dating world in the last 3-5 years, you know it can be hard.  Not just because you’re trying to find love, but because modern dating is difficult.  This is true for both men and women.  When I was dating, I often found men found me refreshing because I am (and was) very direct about what I was looking for.  That being said, not everyone is that direct.  In my case, I didn’t necessarily know what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want which helped me narrow the pool.  This doesn’t mean I wasn’t subject to my own heartbreak.  I met guys that I thought I could have a relationship with, only to be ghosted. Learning how to play the game is your only advantage with all of this. I am here to help you recognize some signs that he’s just not that into you.

man texting

5. Breadcrumbing

I love the new terms that we have now, thanks to modern dating.  The first one is breadcrumbing.  This is when you go out with someone, but you never actually make plans to go out again.  They don’t ghost you, but they will avoid making concrete plans.  This usually happens through text messaging.  Breadcrumbing is deceptive because you think they like you because they send you messages where they ask about your day.  But the conversation doesn’t usually go farther than that.  If you try to follow up their question with a plan to see each other again, they often just ignore it.  These people are hard to spot.  At least at first.  Avoid them if you can because they are a waste of time.


4. Love Bombing

This is the complete opposite of breadcrumbing.  Love bombing is when you meet someone and they act as if they are immediately in love with you.  Which, might sound romantic, but it can get old fast.  I’m saying that as someone who loves praise and attention, but too much is not a good thing.  Not only that, after a few weeks of making you their queen, their infatuation will wear off and they’re done completely.  Then you’re wondering what happened. Did you do something wrong?  All your insecurities will become apparent and you’ll be convinced that your breath is horrendous or something worse.  These people can be manipulative and they want to control you.  If anyone professes their undying love for you early in a relationship, that’s a red flag.  (Which isn’t always the case, but you can tell the difference)


3. Cushioning

Cushioning is a phenomenon that arises thanks to the feeling that there are seemingly endless options. Thanks to online dating there are always several options.  Always.  And if there aren’t, then you’re not doing it right.  I kid.  This was definitely something that I felt was a problem for me.  I would cushion a lot of guys.  Which means, I would date someone casually, but not commit to them and then continue to work the dating apps and casually flirt with other guys.  Why?  Well, I was mostly just looking for the next thing.  The difference between what I was doing and some shady people out there?  I was straight up with the guy I was dating.  I let him know that we weren’t exclusive and if our relationship progressed, we could have that talk.  But I wanted to keep my options open.  It sounds harsh, but it was necessary.  What we often see are guys who aren’t open about this.  You think you’re dating them exclusively, but they are busy looking for other prospects.


2. Not Posting About You

If you’re in a serious relationship and your significant other avoids sharing photos of the two of you together, there might be a reason for that.  There’s a chance that they want to attract someone else.  This is incredibly hurtful and can be a big bruise to your ego.  But if that’s the case, it’s time to move on.  I’m leery to paint everyone with this same brush, as everyone’s situation is a bit different, but this is a good sign that there’s something else going on.


1. Avoids Defining the Relationship

If your guy is avoiding labeling what you are, this is a red flag.  Don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t to say that he needs to label you “girlfriend” on day one.  But if he doesn’t use the word “date”, but rather says that you’re “hanging out”, then he’s avoiding defining the relationship.  They also insist that your persistence in defining what the two of you are is an overreaction and you need to chill out.  Again, you might need to chill out if you’re trying to define the relationship right out of the gate, but if it’s been a few weeks (or months) and you’d like to see where this is headed, exclusively, then you need to tell him.  If he doesn’t agree, then you need to find someone else.  Easier said than done, but it will help you in the long run.

Like I said, dating isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  But you don’t want to be in a position where you’re continually getting hurt.  Know the signs.  Understand the game as best you can, and then use that to your advantage.

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